ENG | What Quarantine Has Got Me

It is safe to say that 2020 has become the worst year I’ve been through so far. Starting with a pandemic that yet seems to stop, discrimination towards black people, bushfire in Australia, and many more.

 

Pandemic has changed the way people behave, the way people do their jobs. At least we’re lucky enough to live in such a great technology where distance is no longer a big problem to do almost anything. But to be honest, pandemic-which we see it as worldwide trouble- surely has answered a lot of my prayer. I can be with my family throughout the Ramadhan, having more ‘me’ time where I can do what I want like writing, taking online courses, etc.

 

Now, we are in a new normal (which we shouldn’t, especially in the red zone area). So I guess it’s ok to take a look at what has happened so far.

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Quarantine is Heaven (at First)

Just like I said before, quarantine is somewhat like a big gift from God in an unexpected way for me (I said quarantine, not the pandemic. Of course it’s trouble). More writing time, no more worries about meeting everybody every single day, and finally I could go back to my hometown, living with my family.

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Then It's Start to Be A Hell

During the first month of quarantine (around the end of March until April), I didn’t realize that I pushed myself so freaking hard. The first/two weeks I finished a short story-which never had happened before. At first, I was feeling good because I was thinking like, “Yes! This is a big chance to do what I wanna do”. It was good, but not lasted that long.

 

I pushed myself way harder, unconsciously giving my self such big pressure. I was trapped in a hustle culture. What came to my mind was that everybody would also hustle, so I don’t want to leave behind. I did a lot of things. Which in the end, gave no result. I was busy, but not productive

 

The feeling of fear didn’t stop there. I did try to give some time to rest, but during the non-productive day, I just couldn’t stop. Scrolling through social media during the non-productive day was a big fault. That scared just got bigger as I saw my friends creating great achievement while quarantining. “I’m a fool. I have no privileges to do great things” was what came to my mind.

 

Fortunately, I realized this isn’t right. I tried to deactivate my Instagram and Twitter accounts, having a totally lazy day without social media for several days and watch Lavendaire channel to calm my mind. I started to prioritize things, which one has been my dream in 2020 and what can I do for the next couple of months. Even though I realize I can do so many things in this kind of time, I don’t want to push my self that hard just like I did. I was trying to give myself some time off just to make sure I gain more energy to do other things.

 

Last but not least, getting off from social media was my best decision ever. As I got back and learned so much during that period, I’m now able to control my emotion pretty well, even much better than before.